Saturday, September 13, 2008

A Joyful Father

Today I find myself wondering how much of my own despair has crept into my idea of Who God is. I am characterized by sorrow and frustration and fear, and that is the only life I can imagine. I get glimpses of joy and beauty and treasure them. They are few and far between. But isn't that because my heart resists seeing things as God does, resists even accepting His love? I have determined myself to be ugly, unworthy. I think that has barred me from seeing and experiencing abundant life in so many ways. Some little voice keeps telling me that I deserve to suffer and be rejected, and those experiences are the ones I embrace.

But what if reality is totally different? 180 degrees different? What if God really is a joyful being who delights in me, and in His creation. I'm reading a really amazing book by Dallas Willard The Divine Conspiracy, and in the third chapter he speaks about our modern misconception of who God is, and how it hinders us in our life with Him. Willard goes on to describe God as a being in in Whom "tidal waves of joy" continually wash over him. He says that Jesus was known to be a happy person. But I stopped there. Wasn't He a man of sorrows, afflicted and oppressed? But then Willard points out that the difficulties and sorrows were nothing compared to the joy of His being. And Scripture seems to validate that idea--"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb 12:2. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.

I think the key is the boundless love that characterizes God. Love that gives generously, freely. When I am not focused on myself, even in suffering I experience joy. Like my son: he cries when he stubs his toe, but when the pain subsides he is back to prattling on happily. He doesn't dwell on the fact he got hurt. There is so much exciting stuff to see in the world. he isn't self aware the way I am. So maybe if I stop dwelling on the pain I have encountered in my life in my mind all the time, and fix my mind on good and perfect and excellent and wonderful things, like Jesus Himself, I will start to understand God better. And I pray that I do, because I really really want to know the God that Willard seems to.

3 comments:

Emily Edwards said...

Very intospective... I am still digesting. You seem to come full circle in how you felt about it, but also still seem sad.

Have your thoughts processed any further in the last couple of days?

I totally relate to what you are saying... I am interested in reading Willard's book now too...

Jenn said...

I am still trying to live what I learned. I feel like this is a testing time, where I am nearly overwhelmed everyday by life and have the choice to turn my heart toward God, WHo is near and cares, and know Him as He is. But the old way of thinking about Him is such an easy pattern to fall into without realizing it. I guess it is just going to take time and a conscious effort on my part to think in the new way, to turn my grief and frustration over to the Lord.

Anonymous Says said...

It kind of makes me laugh inside to see how parallel your walk is with mine, but how very differently we arrive at the same conclusions. I was just reading "The Facts on Self-Esteem, Psychology, and the Recovery Movement" which is a neat little booklet. It talks about the damage that psychology has done to people and how it has invaded the church. It is a godless philosophy, most of it is not even remotely scientific, and attempts to cure the sin problem without God. (Although, it doesn't identify sin as sin, but rather the emotional byproducts of our environment.)

Anyway, the parallel here is that it was talking about how in psychology, you have to fix yourself first before you can help anyone else. The emphasis is always on self. Inevitably though, as we focus on ourselves there are always so many things wrong with us! The Bible teaches something different. The Bible teaches us that our problems are a result of sin, and what we need is Christ. We need to Love God first, then love others. And interestingly, as we obey, as we pour our love on Him and devote ourselves to the needs of others, our own problems become very much smaller. And there is a triumphant sort of joy that flows in where once everything appeared so hopeless to change.